LAST DAYS OF SUMMER
LAST DAYS OF SUMMER
There are two ends of the year that have an impact on my decisions and goals - the end of the year in December and the end of Summer in August. Every year I find myself looking back every August, and I feel that most of the life changing decisions I made were always made in August.
If you watched my Instagram stories and you are confused with what I said. Let's just say that I am sometimes a bit dramatic. The year was great, what I realized is that I spent it questioning a lot not only for myself but whatever you on the other side actually liked what I was doing. It's hard to be me and "be public", I get bored of ideas so easily and it makes me keep changing - it can either be entertaining to you or confusing. I realized that 1 - trying to fit in in the perfect stereotype in whatever I am doing, might bring me results in the short-term, but will most likely depress me as I am not being myself; 2- I am not your usual type of person, and that takes a lot of effort to hide - it's like wearing size 5 shoes when you are a 6, after a while it starts hurting, makes you leave the party early and have to heal your feet before you go to another party and do the same thing again.. (it wouldn't be over dramatic if I had stopped after the bold). It's not like I've bee like that all year, but definitely turned a bit that way last year in Sept.
Towards the end of 2016, I was doing everything on my own, and things had escalated that Summer, so it became nearly impossible to cope with what Silver Girl had become. Today, I am still taking care of it on my own, but I feel the year thought me how to do it all by planning a prioritizing. Don't get me wrong, I do have help, but it's not like I can take days off, even though I did throughout the year, not because I wanted but because I was constantly overwhelmed and fearing to fall because I couldn't do it all. And surely what you focus on is what you bring about and slowly everything started to fall. I cried, I couldn't believe that the one thing I cared the most was coming to the ground, I felt like Atlas holding the sky. But I wasn't strong enough and I let it fall several times. I could have done better.
Life is not always fair and when you dive into the negative life surprizes you with the unthinkable. And that is more or less what happened to me on top of it. I felt depressed, I couldn't believe it, I lost hope on myself. - I'll just add here that the only reason I'm ok with sharing this is that no one reads nowadays, so if you are reading you kind of deserve to know everything.
Doing everything on your own means often losing by default, unless, you become a ninja in planning, preparing and never ever procrastinating. I learned that you can't do everything and be a perfectionist. You will have to ditch, delegate, let go of idealisms and perfection, and always be ready to improvise in order to start the momentum and keep it going, and in all of that, remain confident that you are doing the right thing. #girlboss
I said on Twitter this was the year I had the least stories to tell, but I was wrong. This year wasn't the total adventure you'd picture perfect but it had a lot of mind-blowing moments. I started my own t-shirt line which is now selling on Asos, gave a talk in London, worked with many brands, traveled a lot, and mostly learned A LOT about myself. This last one ends up being the most valuable as it will set the ground for all that is coming.
In all of this, I felt guilty for failing to hold the sky, I blamed myself for not being flawless, compared myself with those who were winning and constantly apologized to everyone. Tried to be all these different ways of me online, trying to make it easier for you to define me and in the middle of that, I lost myself for a second. At the end of the day, all I look is to inspire anyone to go all the way and show the world who you are and what you are capable of, no matter your limitations. You only loose when you stop trying.
ABOUT THE LOOK, I have over 10 bikinis that I wear, and this one is by far my favorite, got it last year in August and totally fell in love with it, I have another one from Triangl which they were kind enough to send me both.. #TrianglGirl But this one, you'd have to wear it to truly know what I mean. The neoprene is great to dry quickly after a quick jump into the water before leaving the beach. The colors in it makes you feel so good, I am not the biggest fan of orange or florals but somehow this works perfectly for me.
Paloma Arianca Bikini: Triangl